BDSM and D/s is NOT about abuse
I've gotten quite a few questions about this and thought to clear some things up. Naturally these are just my opinions and you have your right to disagree, but for me this is what it is about :)
First of all BDSM is consensual, both have agreed to it and want it. It has nothing to do with abuse which is completely another ball game.
So, I thought to write a few words and say what I see as important in D/s relationship (hey, if you don't agree it's alright.There's tons of ways to do these things and it's ok as long as both agree to it and no one else is affected by what you do). Iâm just writing these thoughts down and surely forget some important points, so most likely there's more to come.
it's a nonbrainer really. If there's no mutual respect between the two it can't evolve and go deeper. Respect her limits, her ideas, her thoughts and most of all respect the fact that she trusts and respects you so much that she submits to you! Itâs not an easy to step to take for anyone and there's nothing more what I respect than a woman who has decided to trust me and drop on her knees in front of me.
2. Be yourself
Nothing more, nothing less. Itâs not an act, itâs not a game you play where you slip into the role, sure ..you can play that role a little while but if itâs really not you and what you want, how long are you going to be interested to play that role?
You have to know what you want. Who you really are and what you're into (or at least what interests you if you don't know it yet for sure by experience). Naturally you also have to know what you are NOT into and be honest about it. If you meet someone who's not into things in general that you are and your chemistries don't click, it's more than likely not going to work out in the long run. Yeah, honesty and the truth often hurts but what hurts more is the fact that you have not been honest and you have lied when things have evolved and the truth comes out. Naturally this works both ways, she has to be honest as well but quite often inexperienced one doesn't really know all those things she's into ..what she knows she has eagerness to please and to submit for someone who see's worth it.
4. Have some manners and common sense now would ya?
No, although she identifies herself as a submissive / slave, that does NOT mean she's YOUR submissive / slave. Submissive chooses her dominant and who she submits to, not the other way around (yes yes of course the dominant has to accept her as well, naturally). So behave like a man and take it like a man if you get denied, don't go calling random submissive women as cunts, whores and bitches (really, can you imagine? Most are not turned on by it, until they actually ask for it)
5. DON'T be selfish
It's not about you making demands without giving anything back, both sides really have to work for it and give it 100% for things to work out. It's quite often actually all about her ..how come you ask? She's the one who submits. It's quite simple really, you're the one who's responsible of her well being and safety, fail and the consequences can be huge, both mentally and physically. So yes, it's quite often all about her. Being a gentleman can't hurt and that's what you really have to be, gentleman and a real man, not a whiny spineless guy who has excuse for every mistake he does and let's face it, we all make mistakes. If you do one, be a man! Admit it and discuss about it. Listen to her feedback and act upon it.
6. Trust takes time to build but it can be gone in a heartbeat
In order for her to really submit to you, she needs to trust you. Take your time, take it forward slowly and be patient. If you DO NOT have patience this is really not for you. Don't lose your temper, if you do you're actually admitting that you're the one who loses the control and how someone who has no control over himself control the others?
There we go. Got thoughts about it? Happy to hear!